Posted On March 14, 2020

Official Press Release from Planned Parenthood Re: COVID-19

by | Mar 14, 2020 | Theology

From the desk of Alexis McGill Johnson, President, Planned Parenthood, LLC

Due to coronavirus (COVID-19) public health concerns, I wanted to put the minds of Americans everywhere at ease.

First, our commitment to slaughter, dismemberment, burning, or simple infanticide by plan B is unwavering. That is to say that there is no public health scare that will stop us from systematically killing the youngest children we can find.

If you bring the money, we’ll supply the death. No money? Our staff will find ways of exacting it from your neighbors’ tax dollars. Suffice to say, we’re not going anywhere, and you won’t be inconvenienced by any babies.

Second, because we cannot truly be labeled a health care facility, we aren’t concerned with any pesky sanitation/separation guidelines that make doing business difficult during an international pandemic such as we are experiencing.

The bottom line is this: we believe that being pregnant and having a child is the worst-case scenario for our clients, and eliminating that is a far greater priority to us than infection with coronavirus. Coronavirus may make you sick for a few weeks, but innocent children will destroy the world, or at least the rain forests and whatever polar bears like to eat.

Think about it: What's worse, the spread of a new virus or another Down's kid in the world? Click To TweetThink about it: What’s worse, the spread of a new virus or another Down’s kid in the world?

Finally, due to the increased time at home with folks fearing this virus, we are allowing prepayments for anticipated unexpected pregnancies. *Many of you will become pregnant in the next few weeks. Skip the lines with a prepaid voucher. We are also offering our “sponsor the killing of a black child” scholarship option at a 25% discount until the end of March. For only three-quarters of the normal cost, you can help keep America white and prevent the birth of unwanted PoC.

Again, we are committed to what we do here (murder babies).


*Remember, we will not turn anyone away nor report their illicit activities to authorities. So to pimps, hustlers, and sex-slave peddlers: bring young girls to us at any age and we will murder any children they’ve conceived discreetly, and get you back on the street making money off their bodies in no time.

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