As Christian parents, how are we to think about our children who have not yet come to faith in Christ? This question can spark a lot of debate among well-meaning Christians, but I think the Scriptures are clear on the subject. 

Before we get to the Bible, consider John Bunyan’s reflection on his own childhood: “Yea, such prevalency had the lusts & fruits of the flesh in this poor soul of mine, that had not a miracle of precious grace prevented, I had not only perished by the stroke of eternal justice, but had also laid myself open, even to the stroke of those laws, which bring some to disgrace and open shame before the face of the world.” 

Bunyan’s words affirm a sobering truth: this is the reality of all unconverted children. They are, by nature, hostile to God.

A State of Sin and Death

Children raised in Christian homes may differ from others in some ways. Like Bunyan, they might grow up hearing of the Lord, becoming more aware of their sin, its consequences, and the reality of hell. Experience seems to show that there is often a measure of restraining grace at work in the children of unbelievers, at least while they are younger, holding back the full expression of their depravity. 

Yet, without regeneration, our little ones remain outside any covenantal relationship with the Lord or His people. They stand only under the broken covenant of works inherited from Adam, not the covenant of grace secured by Christ. God has no grandchildren. 

Does this mean we should call them “pagans”? Their hearts certainly bear the marks of a “pagan” condition—following, as Ephesians 2 describes, “the prince of the power of the air.” But I hesitate to use that label fully. It might blur the distinction between their exposure to truth and the overtly pagan worldviews of those untouched by the gospel.

In his commentary on 1 Timothy, Calvin notes, “the law of God was given in order to restrain the licentiousness of wicked men…” I think there is an application there for children growing up in Christian homes. They are consistently taught the Law and Gospel from their times of family worship and from the pulpit in their weekly local church. Thus, we should expect a measure of restraint upon their outward lives in comparison to those who are actually overtly pagan. 

This caveat aside, we should consider that the 1689 Baptist Confession, Chapter 10.1, puts it plainly: “In God’s appointed and acceptable time, he is pleased to call effectually, by his Word and Spirit, those he has predestined to life. He calls them out of their natural state of sin and death to grace and salvation by Jesus Christ.” 

Until that effectual call comes, our unconverted children remain in a state of sin and death—idolatrous, given over to depravity. Apart from sovereign grace, this remains their spiritual condition, no matter how much we love them or how faithfully we raise them.

Another Bunyan quote is appropriate here: “Though men do think…they believe the things or the Word of the gospel of our salvation; yet unless they have the work of grace in their souls, they do not, cannot rightly believe the things contained in the Scriptures.”

It is an error to treat our children as though they are believers or as though they are within the covenant of grace while they remain unregenerate. 

Not Presumption, But Proclamation

This reality doesn’t mean we berate our children daily with threats of hell and judgment – though, we must not skirt the issue on talking with them about these matters. But, the point I’m making is, it’s not good parenting to follow your children around all day preaching hellfire and brimstone!

Instead, this biblical reality calls us to recognize are children for what they are: unbelievers, outside the covenant of grace. They are slaves to sin, not as victims but perpetrators, and stand in need of Christ’s atoning work applied to their blackened souls. They should be exhorted to repent and trust Jesus. 

Our family worship should reflect this truth. Our preaching should echo it. Our children aren’t “safe” simply because they were born to Christian parents, brought to church, prayed over, sung to, catechized, and taught well. They must be born again by God’s grace through the proclamation of the gospel.

Preachers ought to make a practice of periodically addressing the little ones directly from the pulpit: “Children, you have no hope of eternal life without Christ. You must trust Him. You must turn from sin and put your faith in Him. Without this, there is only judgment. But Jesus receives sinners! If you will go to Him in faith, you will be saved!” 

Parents, too, should speak with gospel clarity: “My precious child, your sin separates you from a holy and righteous God, but those who call upon the name of the Lord will be saved.” 

Rehearse the gospel regularly. Gospel, gospel, gospel. 

Gospel, Not Emotionalism

We must not presume upon our children’s salvation. Their little hearts, as Calvin put it, are factories of idols. They need new hearts, regenerated by the Spirit. It’s tempting to let emotionalism—our deep love for them—cloud this sound theology. But love doesn’t soften the truth; it compels us to share it.

Our children aren’t saved by our faith or their proximity to the church. Salvation is God’s work, and it comes through the gospel. So, we proclaim it trusting God to call His elect in His time. We don’t despair, but neither do we presume. We teach, we pray, we plead, and we point them to Christ, knowing their hope lies not in their upbringing but in His grace.

Do I think we have an expectation of our children coming to Christ? Well, I actually think that we are not warranted to assume any person is “non-elect” until the day they perish in unbelief. So, do I hope for the salvation of all six of my children? Absolutely. And because of God’s sovereign mercy, I do not believe this hope is unreasonable or presumptuous. And I also know, that no matter what, the judge of all the earth will do right. 

Two verses from Romans 9 help us here. Verse 8 says, “it is not the children of the flesh who are the children of God, but the children of the promise are counted as offspring.” And verse 16 adds, “So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy.”

So, I am helping no one, not my church family, not my children, not unbelievers in the world, if I treat my children as anything other than sin-stained rebels in need of mercy. They are not in the covenant of grace by virtue of their birth. They are not in some “in-between” state between lost and saved. And all my hope is in the God who has mercy!

A Call to Faithfulness

This perspective of our children shapes how we parent, how we preach, how we pray, and how we participate in the life of the church as a family. It keeps us humble, dependent on God’s sovereign mercy. Our unconverted children are not yet part of God’s redeemed family, but they’re within our reach to hear the good news. We must never shrink back from telling them of their need and of Christ’s sufficiency. In God’s hands, that truth becomes the means by which He saves.