Posted On April 1, 2019

Introducing: THINGS ABOVE+ PLUS!

by | Apr 1, 2019 | General

Exciting news, Things Above Us fans! Due to extraordinary demand, we are adding PAID features called Things Above+ Plus to our suite of offerings. See the sponsor levels and benefits below!

Earthly Minded $30/month

For those of you too cheap to realize the benefit offered by such faithful men that you can only shell out a dollar a day:

  • Pre-access to Kofi’s, Justin’s and Chuck’s blog posts (almost 1 per month!)
  • A signed copy of Before the Throne. It won’t be signed by Allen, though. You’ll have to pay reveal the mystery.
  • An excel sheet with all of Michael’s tweets that don’t have typos.

Heavenly Minded $60/month

For those of you who actually are setting your minds on Things Above us, and realize how far two dollars a day can go:

  • Everything in the Earthly Minded package AND…
  • A MNTGA (Make #NeverTrump Great Again) hat designed by our very own Jason.
  • All the source code (even the CSS and javascript) from all of Garrett’s websites designed before 2010.

Soli Deo Gloria $100/month

For those who truly love God:

  • Everything in the Earthly and Heavenly Minded packages AND…
  • A coffee cup with a photo of Michael and his “signature” smile.
  • Pre-release access to all Roundtable episodes
  • A photo of Jason Marianna in a Cleveland Browns Jersey.
  • A book of jokes by Timmmm Bates. Mostly just screen grabs of him pretending not to understand others’ tweets.

The sooner you sign up, the sooner you display your love for God and His people! *No refunds or cancellations.

What are You Waiting For?

Well, I hope that by now you’ve realized this is an April Fool’s Day joke. From the writers at ThingsAbove.Us, we want to offer our sincere thanks for reading the blog and sharing it with those whom you love. May God be glorified through those He has redeemed. Enjoy your day, today.

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